I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
