he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
