Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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