dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
