atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
