And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
