Where did you get a picture of my penis
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
