he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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