Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
