...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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