My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You smell like stripper and shame
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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