She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
