You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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