well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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