I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
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Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.