no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.