i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment