even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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