did you get engaged???
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
