I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
