A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
