How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
