oh god the rape fog is back!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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