Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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