I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
