I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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