I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
