I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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