this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
