my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize