I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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