I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
