dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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