i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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