I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
