Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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