what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
