I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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