just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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