Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
