her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
