Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
