If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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