some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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