i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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