Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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