I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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