Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
