White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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