i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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