She said her name was "party"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
