I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
