AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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