i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
