i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
