Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
