I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Too much gin, very little bucket
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Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize