The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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