last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
