Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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