you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
