And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
