Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
