I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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