That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im calling her cock vulture from now on
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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