yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am naked and annoyed.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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