the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
