found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
