So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
