happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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