you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
