I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
