Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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