perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
