oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
