I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
