Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
